It’s Fat Girl Friday! Welcome to Fat Girls Dating Tips, where I give dating advice even though I don’t actually date. Think of me as your snack-holding sideline coach, yelling commentary while you fumble through the world of romance. Today’s topic: profile pictures. Yes, those little squares of digital judgment that decide whether someone swipes right, swipes left, or swipes you into the land of “nah, not today.”
Spoiler alert: your profile picture matters. A lot. And no, that blurry photo of you holding a fish does not scream “soulmate material.”
First Impressions Happen in 0.2 Seconds
Science says people make snap judgments in less than a second, and dating apps only make that faster. If your first photo looks like it was taken on a flip phone in 2007, you’ve already lost points. Think of your profile picture as your front porch. If the porch light is out, the steps are broken, and there’s a raccoon eating Doritos on the railing, no one’s knocking.
The Fish Photo Epidemic
Men of the internet, we need to talk. Why are you all holding fish? Is it some kind of secret dating ritual I don’t know about? Unless you’re auditioning for “Deadliest Catch,” the fish picture is not the flex you think it is. The same goes for women with “duck face bathroom selfies” from 2012. These photos say more about your ability to not crop properly than they do about your personality.
What to Do Instead
- Pick a clear, recent photo where your face is actually visible.
- Use good lighting. Natural light is your friend.
- Smile. People like people who look happy, not like they’re plotting world domination.
The Group Photo Problem
Nothing kills interest faster than the “Where’s Waldo?” group shot. If your main photo is you with six friends at a bar, the person scrolling is left wondering: “Which one are you? Please don’t let it be the guy in the fedora.”
Pro Tip
Group photos are fine as extras, but not your opener. Your first picture should leave zero mystery about which human you are.
The Car Selfie and Gym Mirror Trap
Listen, I get it. You’re proud of your car. Or your biceps. Or the fact that you figured out how to hold your phone while flexing. But here’s the thing, car selfies and gym mirror shots are cliché. They don’t say “I’m a confident, well-rounded person.” They say, “I had no other photos available, so here’s me looking sweaty in fluorescent lighting.”
Pets and Props: Use Wisely
Yes, everyone loves a good dog photo. Cats too (though they’ll probably look annoyed, you’re using them for clout). But here’s the key: your pet should be a supporting character, not the star. If your dog looks happier than you do in your photo, people may swipe for the dog instead.
What Works
- A picture of you hiking with your dog.
- Reading with your cat photobombing in the background.
- Baking cookies while your parrot tries to steal one.
These show personality and give people something to start a conversation about.
Authenticity Beats Filters
If your profile picture looks nothing like you in real life, you’re setting yourself up for awkward first dates. Filters that make your skin glow like a vampire in Twilight or slim your jawline into oblivion are not helping. People want to meet the real you, not a Snapchat experiment gone wrong.
Confidence is the Real Secret
Here’s the truth no one wants to hear and that is that it’s not about being the “skinniest” or the “fittest” or the “cutest.” It’s about confidence. A confident smile will always outshine an awkward pose or a forced angle. Own who you are in your photos, and people will notice.
Final Swipe-Worthy Advice
Your profile picture is not just a photo. It’s a billboard for your personality. Skip the blurry selfies, ditch the fish, and stop hiding in group photos. Show your face, your smile, and a bit of your personality. Remember, the goal isn’t to look perfect. It’s to look like someone real, approachable, and worth grabbing a drink, or at least swiping right on.
So, from this fat girl who doesn’t even date: get yourself some decent lighting, stand still, smile like you mean it, and for the love of snacks, leave the fish in the lake.
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